29JAN2025 - I must be the dumbest fuck in my entire circle of friends. Hmm. This is what I have to say after spending an absolutely lovely weekend with my dearest compadres? F that. I had a day off Monday—a whole day to be creative, if I wanted to be—alas, I am a hack. When I have time to be creative, I end up doing something that makes ZERO impact. All the energy I have wasted on music projects. All the time I have wasted writing words that nobody cares to read, or shooting and editing stupid videos for twos and threes of views. Nobody. I am nobody.

29JAN2024 - Brainstorming for Minot Punk Zine/chapbook in the works:

Activities I enjoyed as a teenager

—Walking around Minot, ND with Aaron Davis and Kolin Thompson, before we had vehicles

—Attending shows, getting close to the stage, or back in the peripheries, eardrums ringing through the next morning. Buying tapes, patches, 7”s

—Making friends with my Burger King co-workers. Listening to CDs of the Misfits and Green Day in the back and getting chewed out by our bosses.

—Going to Jon Seright’s home and bleaching each other’s hair while watching Reservoir Dogs or Return of the Living Dead 3

—Playing bass all the time: in bands, alone with cassettes in the basement, in BJ’s parents’ garage and getting the cops called on us for noise

—Making out in RB’s bedroom with Violent Femmes playing on her bookshelf cassette player. To this day, I can’t hear “Blister in the Sun” without thinking about that. She always knew when her mom was coming home because she could hear her Blazer crunching down the gravel driveway. God, her mom was younger then than I am today.

29JAN2022 - It’s been a good week on the writing front. My essay, “The Home Depot Buddha” was workshopped in my Advanced Creative Non-Fiction class on Monday. To a person, they loved it! Some were “astonished by the honesty” in it. Others said they “Feel like it’s a gift to be able to read anything I write.” So many complements! The next morning, my professor, Dr Sarah Fay emailed to tell me she wanted me to submit it to Longreads and other journals. She told me to look in the back of Best American Essays and submit it to at least ten publications listed there, and she would help me write an introductory email! Two weeks earlier, she had praised my classroom presentation, saying she asked me to present first because she “knew I would set the bar high”. I am feeling like an actual writer, lately.

29JAN2021 - Writing, writing, writing…what a week! On Tuesday, I got an email from Pest Control Magazine stating that they had chosen to publish my poem titled “Prey”!! I am so thrilled that something I wrote will finally, for the first time, be in print! It’s been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember, and at long last, it has become reality. Yes yes, perhaps taking a writing workshop via Zoom from the editors of the journal may have improved my standing, yes yes yes, it’s a small, independent, relatively new publication. All of this is true, but it doesn’t take the bloom off the coffee. I am thrilled.

Aside from that, I’ve been working on a new poem and revising other pieces to submit elsewhere. Poetry is a hard gig.

29JAN2020 - Dear Diary, more complaints coming your way! Shocker! I have been in a perpetual foul mood for days/weeks. Work stress has really gotten to me. So much so that I’m actually thinking about other positions available elsewhere. The shit storm never ends. Things are constantly breaking. I’m getting texts and emails and phone calls all hours of the day and night. I am on-call 24/7 and since we started implementing Wide Orbit, the trouble calls have been coming fast and furious. FML.

29JAN2019 - Obstructive Sleep Apnea is the diagnosis. Bad for the heart. Causes depression, irritability, erectile dysfunction. Not so bad on the list of diseases. This is like North Dakota Salsa: extra mild. The GI doctor called to tell me my colon looked good. No cancer, no polyps, no sign of Celiac Disease. So why do I have a fatty liver? Why do I have signs of anemia? I did my week 3 weigh-in for the EDGE six-week challenge, and I’m at 179.6 lbs and 15.6% body fat. Depressing to know that I’m halfway through this challenge and have only lost 1% of my body fat. My goal is to be under 10%. I am confident that I can get there, but it won’t be easy [it wasn’t, and I didn’t “get there”]

29JAN2018 - So much to catch up on. Birthday weekend was great. Went bowling and ice skating with Leah. Ate at Chicago Diner. Wore my crazy kimono-print satin pants, danced at the Whistler, had delicious brunch of Fruity Pebbles french toast. I’ve been teaching some very popular yoga classes recently. I had 25 people in Meditation, 45 in Vinyasa, and 26 in Yin. Larissa [my supervisor] was stoked!

And the BIG NEWS: last Monday, my boss Mike Tompary showed up outside my cubicle and asked me to sit down with him in Don Mueller’s old office. He shut the door as I took a seat, and I felt very nervous right away. He asked “Do you still want the Chief Engineer position?” I had expressed interest in it months ago, but we had pivoted to other candidates, outside hires, and it had been so long since we had discussed it that I was shocked to hear him ask about it. I doubted my own abilities, and told him so: “Well, yes, if everyone here is on board with my shortcomings…” and he said he had just gotten out of a meeting with the station Program Director David, and Network Director Tony and they were on board. Our interim CEO Reese had promised to approve it, “…so, if you want the job, it’s yours!” I stood up and extended my hand, with a big smile on my face. I am Chief Engineer of WFMT. I can hardly believe it. Mike said Al Skierkiwicz would be delaying his retirement for a little while longer so he could show me some of the ropes, and encouraged me to take copious notes as I shadowed him. I am feeling like a rock star lately. Yoga classes going well, work is progressing in a great way, I am in love with a beautiful, brilliant woman. Feeling strong and balanced.

29JAN2017 - My godmother Julie’s son Spencer passed away yesterday. Cancer. He was younger than me, and had two or three young kids. I was following Julie’s Caring Bridge posts, and learned that he had hung on longer than the doctors expected, but it’s devastating to read how such a strong, smart, talented, good man can be decimated by an illness.

Grandma Sauvageau is not doing well either. Her 94th birthday was spent in the hospital. She had taken a fall at home and broke her hip. Lacey visited her at the hospital on her birthday and reported to me that she doesn’t look good. Said Grandma wasn’t aware of her surroundings and looked very weak. Doris flew in from Denver on Friday and Dad flew home from Arizona yesterday. Doris posted a few pictures on Facebook of her kids visiting her. Grandma was awake, but there was worry on the faces of my aunts and uncles in the room with her. I am an imbecile—I spent $1500 on that cheap Chinese double-bass on Friday, when in reality, I should be saving for moments like these.

29JAN2016 - There is time enough for everything, if we allow ourselves to utilize that precious commodity in the correct way. I am feeling very free this weekend after months and months with seemingly no time for my self. This will be my first weekend alone in my new apartment. Today and tomorrow are for me, aside from the small detail of recording WFMT’s Introductions this morning with a 16-year-old violist. I’m excited to get my home in order: do some laundry, unpack a box or two, arrange things, clean and clear out my space. I’ll go for a 6-mile run tonight, then bike tomorrow, get a haircut tomorrow afternoon and maybe take Malin’s Hot Vinyasa class at Lifetime. I have to figure out what the hell to do with my piano though. It kills me that the movers had to leave it outside! In January! At least it’s under the eaves of the detached garage.

Addendum, later that day: Currently sitting at the laundromat down the block because I don’t yet have keys to the laundry room in the basement at my new place. Feeling fried from lack of sleep and ready to pass out already. I shouldn’t have agreed to work this morning, spinning my tires there, wondering why in the world I agreed to give up half my day (a full quarter of my weekend) for net zero. When will you learn it’s okay to say “no”?

29JAN2015 - I have been allowing myself time to “space out” and be bored. My days have been incredibly busy this past month, and I am proud of what I have accomplished. I’ve been giving myself time to work out, time for yoga, allowing copious amounts of time for work. I do feel like I have been spending far too much time on the internet. I miss writing, making music, and social time with friends, but I am reading more. I have been voluntarily unemployed now since the end of September, so I can devote my time to freelance recording gigs and my yoga teacher training. Working on my own schedule was challenging at first, working only about 4h/day for the first week, then 5h/day for the next two weeks, 6 a day for two weeks and I’m now up to 7 to 9 hours each day. I never imagined I could hold myself accountable for this much work. Last week was a little harder as I tried to alter my routine from mornings to afternoons so I could work out and do yoga in the mornings.

I had birthday dinner with Jack Brett last Monday. Among other things, we discussed Jess. I wanted to know if she was doing okay, and he confirmed that she was, but said she was hurt to see some photos of V and me on Facebook. Hard to believe it’s been a year since she moved out. Jack said she is doing better now, and even dating someone who Jack likes, but wasn’t sure how serious they are, stating that they made an arrangement to date “only one day out of every seven.” Interesting…

29JAN2014 -

29JAN2013 - [Facebook post] This ain't no cuppa Joe. It's Cafe Sauvageau. Step 1: Select only the finest Julius Meinl Costa Rican Tarrazu beans. Step 2: Hand grind using mortar & pestle. Step 3: Boil purified water. Step 4: French press that bad boy. Step 5: Commence workday [8 Likes]

29JAN2011 -

29JAN2010 - My first-ever solo classical recording gig is today with International Chamber Artists!! $75! SWEET!

29JAN2005 - I shall return to the habit of generating my thoughts into this journal. Much has occurred since last I bothered about these pages, but I will come to that in time. We are 16 days into a six and a half month voyage around the world, and July 29th seems like eons afield.

I have been pressured into qualifying ESWS [Enlisted Surface Warfare Specialist] by my chain-of-command. I have been all but promised an “early promote” evaluation if I indeed qualify by March 1st. February shall prove to be either a rude awakening or a new and good beginning for me. Time will tell. We have a list of prospective port calls — all subject to the whims of Mother Navy: Guam in February. Singapore in March. Dubai in April. Bahrain in May. Dubai again in June. Italy in June. England, Florida, and Norfolk, VA in July. Will be interested to see if this route goes as planned (which I doubt) or is altered drastically.

I’ve been planning a budget for music instrument purchases. If I continue to be paid my BAH [Basic Allowance for Housing], I will be able to save quite a bit, of course with that list of ports above, certain purchases may be delayed. I purchased a Takamine 12-string acoustic guitar last Christmas. Mom and Dad just received a brand-new Rickenbacker 4003 bass that I ordered on Jan 6, bringing my tally to:

Dean Exotica Acoustic Guitar - red flame maple, 2000
Danelectro Hodad Electric Guitar - gold sparkle, 2002
Epiphone El Capitan Elec/Acou 5-String Bass - ebony, 2003
Fender Banjo - natural, 2004
Carvin LPF70 Fretless Elec Bass - blueburst, custom, 2004
Takamine 12-string Acoustic Guitar - natural, 2004
Fender Rhodes Electric Piano, 2004
Rickenbacker 4003 Elec Bass - jetglo, 2005

[denotes that I still own these in 2025]

Planned purchases for this deployment include:

Epiphone Casino Electric Guitar ($660)
Musicman Stingray Electric Bass ($1200)
Digidesign 002 recording interface + ProTools recording software ($2200)
Fender American Telecaster ($880)
Ampeg tube bass amplifier ($1500)

[denotes that I purchased these items during this deployment]

I would also like to get an Apple laptop with the ultimate goal having a fully-functional home recording studio paid for and functioning by the time I’m out of the Navy in January, 2007. Less than two years from now, thank Christ.

Several weeks ago, Tim sent me my journal from our previous deployment. I am beginning to fear that it has been lost in the mail. That would be a dreadful scenario, because it contained several musical riffs that I have been working on, poetry that hasn’t yet been transferred to my blue spiral-bound book, and my Westpac 2003 journal in it’s entirety. I do hope it arrives soon.

29JAN1999 - The Malady of One

Introspectively, I wait together,

lessons given, lessons learned,

striving on despite my failures.

Hoping hopelessly her hand inspects the inner,

icicled, whitened walls of winter.

Is the interest homogenic,

hear me?

With she out me, I mean—

I get confused, and

and, I dedicate this simple despair to her

with an aftertaste of embryonic leather.

Apple silence sliced symmetrically,

carefully careless candied comments.

Did you—me—some justice make,

or did I—you—your virtues take?

Rambunctious play reinvents the day:

obnoxious Pythagoras floor-falling.

Irrepressible instincts acknowledging

your presence as the square root of a^2 and b^2.

I just want to die in your embrace,

is that too much to ask?

Allow me to perish near your face,

I’m getting down to bronze tax.

Intestinal infantile blue lights

switch syrupy strength in you,

Your offer of outward exposure

fits into my technicolor torture.

January 29 Journal Journey

JA Sauvageau

January 29 Journal Journey

Still Life in Red, White, & Blue

January 2025 Recap!

JA Sauvageau